This city is an entire world of its own. And that may seem small, when you think of the entire earth. But the earth really is so small, a speck of dust among a galaxy, a galaxy which is also a speck of dust among the universe but it is so large at the same time, this city. Small things hold big things, I know this for sure. Because aren’t we all just specks of dust? In the end, at least, we’re just going to leave memories, if anything. A small dent, if any dent, on this earth.
I can’t help it, looking at this place as a big puzzle. A big game. I love games, as long as I’m ahead of the game. I usually am, anyway. When I look at it right, every place is an entire world of its own. It holds secrets, wonders that are everywhere. Surprises are hidden away, blips of different realities all merged into one big one. This city is an entire puzzle piece, and few ever truly see this place as it is. It’s a way of life not many live. But I live this way, I guess it’s all I know. I could evolve into something different, maybe something better. But I’m moving along in a pace I enjoy just fine, a game that I’m exceeding at, surely. And if you’re winning, why change?
The lights on the buildings and signs flash, the words loudly popping their purposes among the lively buildings. Cars drove along the streets, people hurrying along, living their lives. They were all so focused on their own current life, they didn’t take the time to look at the entire picture at once. A pity, they were missing out on so much. But ordinary people were just that, ordinary. Boring. Usual. All the same. Day by day, month by month, year by year-they lived their lives in routine. Barely looking up, if ever. And they were alright with that. As long as things went as usual, they could live the way they were comfortable with that. “What’s the harm in that?” they’d ask. Well, in all brutal, honesty, everything.
I swiveled in my chair, spinning to look down out of the window. Hands intertwined behind my head, I gazed at people crossing the street. They didn’t even pay mind to the traffic. I guess then, if they happened to get hit by a car, they deserved it.
I turned back to my desk, and my phone buzzed. I picked it up, switching it on. 1 new message.
“I’ll take the job.”
I smirked. I typed back, clicked send, and set the phone down. I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes. When didn’t she?
“I knew you would. I’ll send the info soon.”
I had my hands in my pockets, leaning against a concrete wall. I heard a noise, and new right away who it was. I smiled, taking a step back.
Celty drove up, her motorcycle screeching to a halt. Celty’s helmet, which was a cover for her, the fact being she didn’t have a head, bobbed a bit as she turned to me. I gave a small wave, side stepping.
The dark night sky cast shadows, the street lights casting light down on us. It was empty, the street we were on. Celty pulled her phone out, putting it out for me to see.
I laughed, putting my hands up.
“I thought you knew me better than that! Come on, it was just a job for you.”
“I don’t mind your jobs, but if you had something to do with that, I won’t comply.”
My eyes lowered, but I smirked.
“That really isn’t my schist, I didn’t know any of the people involved. I had nothing to do with the job!” I said coolly. I wasn’t too surprised of her assumption, but it rang harshly, even for me. I’d thought she’s know better, if anything. Oh well, I guess.
Celty put her phone back in her suit, revving her engine up.
“Have a good night,” I said lightly, giving a small defiant wave. Celty started off, darting down the street and took a turn. Oh, she’d turn heads. People would whisper, as they always did. Gossip couldn’t be escaped, it seemed. “The Headless Rider”, they’d call her. An Urban Legend. If you knew her, you’d know how not-so monstrous she was. In fact, she could relate to humans, and at the same time, I could never put her in their category. She had emotions, like humans. But people didn’t think about that at first. Since when did they?
This city held all sorts, teasing me with things I wanted to dash after, to hold. But this city was a teaser, and it pulled the things from my grasp. I saw it all so clearly. And yet, I could not hold on for long without falling… A game I knew well, I was always a step ahead or more- and yet, there were things I wanted that refused to let me get in stride with. Simon had once said something along the lines of “You’re not as transparent as you think you are.” And I have to say, his words ring true. But I’d never admit it. What would that do? It would make me normal. I was different. I knew that. Everyone did. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what you are. Others will care about how you act. Its twisted. But things are always twisted, in some way. If everything were straight, imagine how boring that would be!
I looked up at the sky, where the stars were cancelled out by the city lights. A shame, the stars were so beautiful. But alas, they were all the same, too. Like humans, I thought silently. All the same, but were so beautiful when all together. It didn’t matter then. It didn’t matter because they stood out better when surrounded with the same. I stared at the moon, head back. The moon over saw this city, over saw the nights that brought the old and new.
Around and around, this earth keeps in such a routine that makes things so smoothly. If something was thrown off course, everything else would, too.
And that’s because everything is connected.
Everything is done for a reason. Things are all lined up by perfect little strings. And humans don’t even see it. Oh no. They think it just happens on some whim.
Oh how adorable they are, seeing the world from only their eyes. Only from their angle. Never taking a step up, to see it all. Around them, everything was foggy. But they’re OK with that. As long as things are going well for them, they don’t bother looking up or around. They keep at their routine. If it works, they don’t try to even live.
I entered the park, the pavement weaving into the fresh green area. Trees were in bloom, the grass was bright, and the birds were singing. It was a nice sight. I needed a break from the buildings and the lights and the streets. Every once in a while, I’d come to this place. I was surprised Shizuo hadn’t found me here yet. Then again, I was careful about when he saw me. Only when I wanted him too. Which got pretty hard, the guy got around pretty fast. I’d failed my goals a few times, and he’d hurl something at me (missing or not) before I knew he was there.
I stopped, eyeing a dandelion. The fluff attached to the seeds, it reminded me that things can grow from anything. Even the things that look most delicate. The things that look most insignificant, even the most unpleasant things… I squatted next to the weed, smiling slightly. Picking the stem, I stared at the white fluff at eye level. A wish for a wish…
I closed my eyes and blew, then watched as the slight spring breeze eased the seeds away. Their adventure to the unknown was so short, and as cliché as it might sound, I almost admired how they begged to be blown away. Who knew where’d they end up? They had no plans. Start again, yeah. That was as good a plan as any, I supposed. They needed some sort of encouragement to start their beginning, anyway. I began on my way.
The sun shone brightly, the sky bright blue, the clouds danced along the sky. The park was a more peaceful place in this city, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hold folds of surprises in itself. Today, the park was almost bare of people. A father and son played a game of Frisbee, a few older ladies sat and chatted on a park bench, and a jogger passed me.No matter who I saw, strangers or not, I knew that in this world, they all passed me bye. In the end, I didn’t care much about this fact. It was nostalgic, was it not? The fact that one day, they’d say goodbye, or leave forever into death. Or I’d say goodbye. Or some other event would happen, and we’d either become dust to the other, or the memory would be faint.
Of course, no one made a memory of someone they just happened to see in their every day life background. A man in a black jacket walking down the park would not be noticed by a father emerging himself in a game. No one payed attention to strangers, it seemed. They were just in the background. In the gray. If you didn’t know anything about them, why give them a place in your head?
Lost in thought, I kept on the path. A baby’s cry echoed. Ahead, I saw a black stroller, set beside the mother, who sat on the wooden bench. She had her head in her phone, fingers flying. She was paying no attention to the baby who was now choking on cries. Of course not. Ignoring things is easier than fixing them, is the lie people tell themselves. A comforting lie, I’m told. Never worked for me.
I frowned, stepping beside the stroller. The mother showed no sign of even knowing there was a world off her screen. I then stepped in front of the stroller, hands in pockets.
The baby was a little girl. She had chubby, pink cheeks, nesting in a pink swaddle blanket. She had a head full of light brown hair, which was velvety looking. Her hands were in fists, and she continued screaming and crying, her eyes shut tight and tears streaking her face.
I watched her a minute more.
Suddenly, for a reason I didn’t know, she opened her eyes. Big, blue eyes stared up at me. She sniffled, tiny lips opening and shutting. I smiled softly, then gave a small wave at her. Her tiny nose twitched, and I kept smiling down at her. Reaching into the stroller, I touched her chubby hand with my finger. The baby reached for me, her small grip holding my pointing finger. Her short fingers circled it, pulling slightly. She had strength in her pale hand, I gave her that. I kept smiling as she put both hands on my long finger, and then sniffled again. She kept tugging.
Then she found my silver ring. Giving baby noises, she tried to tug at it. Her clumsy fingers touched and worked around the metal.
Sorry, tiny, you could swallow that.
I smiled and shook my head. I didn’t say anything, however. I didn’t want the mother to notice me. I didn’t want her to see me, to drive me away. I just wanted to stay longer in the innocence of this little girl. This beginning of a person. This entire being, in one small body, right before me.
What more could any human give than another human? Another beginning? An entire new person, to fit in this world or not fit in it, and see life as I did? Surely, not all babies were all the same. No, it was the adults that made them gray, just as the adults were. But this baby was full of life, full of color. She hadn’t been put in line with the rest of life. She was free to do her will, if only she’d fight for it. I lowered my eyes, and noticed the mother still was typing.
The baby gurgled, and finding she couldn’t pry my ring lose, ended up rolling it. Around and around, she pushed it around my finger. I let her, watching her smooth little arms reach out and enjoy the new thing set in front of her. She enjoyed the game, but not for long. When she’d had her fun, she began to whimper again. I gave a frown as her hands turned to fists, and then she began to cry again. I frowned, watching her arms squirm.
Ah, of course.
I reached my arm in, to the side of her, deep into the blanket. Aha! I pulled out a bottle, half full of milk. I showed it to her, and she sniffed, ceasing her crying. She snatched it, popping it into her mouth. Sucking hard, she held it with both hands. All the while, her eyes kept with mine. Milk dribbled off her chin, onto her light shirt. I smiled, looking at her bright blue eyes. She was a bright little girl, I knew it. I could see the curiosity in her eyes, the way she titled her head, looking straight through me. Not as transparent as I think…
For some, seeing a child who was a bright penny; they might have been intimidated. Humans don’t like things they can’t control. Some people just want to control children.They wanted the known, things that were natural to them. If something unexpected happened, a blip in their lives, they wanted no more of it. It didn’t matter to them, they just went back to their routine of a life. They didn’t live. Just followed in line. Their world was gray, and they liked it that way. They were gray.
The little baby continued to drink her milk, squirming. I smiled, reaching out and touching her head. She brightened, gurgling. Her eyes twinkled, and I smiled brighter. She held onto the bottle with one hand, the other reaching out. I took it gently, and she tightened her grip. I still stood in front of her, and the mother still showed no awareness.
I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to stay here. Just watch this little girl, someone I had no idea of. I couldn’t predict her future, I didn’t have her head figured out, or her heart. She was a mass of things I wasn’t a step ahead with. And I suddenly loved it. I almost enjoyed this, enjoyed having hope in one person, one person I’d never have to see stumble or fall or hurt or say goodbye to me or take a path I knew they’d regret. I didn’t have to have this game of life with this person. And I was so relieved by this, I almost laughed then and there. But I didn’t. For a moment, I wondered if a meteor would even get this mother’s attention.
She was stupid, this mother. I’d hardly call her a mother. A birth giver and a mother are two very quite different things. People never seem to realize this. Anyone could come and kidnap this baby girl. With no problem at all, they could swoop her away. And here was this woman, acting like a park was the most safest place on planet earth for ignoring a child. As if this child was just a problem she could ignore. Free time, she wanted. Well, her wants and her lack of alertness were putting this baby in danger. I felt anger flicker in me. This was a regular occurrence, I knew that. Mothers often lost track of their kids. Anymore, no one saw a problem with it.
But in the city, or anywhere, kids were a jack pot. Kidnappers saw an easy target. If kids weren’t taught, then a piece of candy or a bribe of sort was fatal. In the city, the cold, hard, ugly truth was that human trafficking happened. As much as a bad thing as it was, kidnappers didn’t care. I frowned, rubbing the baby’s finger. She kept sucking, milk dribbling down her chubby chin. I used my other hand to ruffle her hair gently. I was right, it was soft.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
I looked up to see the mother staring at me. She looked disgusted, snapping her phone shut to look at me.
I smiled softly.
“You know, you shouldn’t leave your baby unattended. There are a lot of kidnappers out there, and she’s just a baby. Kidnapping her would be easy.” I gestured in a matter-of-fact way. I kept smiling, the baby still tugging on her finger again. “Lucky for you, I’m no baby kidnapper.”
I could see anger and disbelief spread across the woman’s face.
“Who do you think you are?!” She snapped. She stood, and I obliged, taking a step back. The baby frowned at the sudden movement, pushing both hands around her bottle. She kept her eyes on me.
“Oh, no one. ” I said coolly. “I’m just a passer-byer, saying that you should really pay more attention. Do you know how long I was standing there? No? Shocker.” I gave another firm smile. That’s when I saw fear etch the woman’s face. Underneath all of her awful make-up, I saw fear pour out. Good, I thought. Good. Put some fear into her. Maybe she’ll think twice. Maybe she’ll care.
”I’m right here! Of course I’m paying attention!” She faltered, only for a second. “You’re a creep!” She cried with anger. She stood quickly, grasping the stroller, her fingers nails pained bright red.
I waved her off. Turning, I began to walk away. The mother stood there, her eyes on me. How different this world was when you had eyes on you.
“Oh, by the way,” I began, turning slightly. “What’s her name?”
The woman cleared her throat.
“G-Gemma.” She said, and I could hear her begin to rush off. I kept walking, calling over my shoulder softly.
“Gemma… That’s a nice name.” I smiled, looking away. I waved, starting down the path again.
“Well, I’ve got to go, Gemma.”
The sun had began to set, streaks of orange and gold and purple exploring the sky that was losing its blue. I had not yet exited the park, but rather was taking in the air that glowed with orange and yellow. The birds sang a different song, and the people had began to disappear. I was overcome by an almost complete silence.
Of course, it was him. I smirked and turned to see Shizuo storming towards me. He slipped his glasses in his pocket.
“Come to the park to play?” He taunted, teeth gritted. I waved, hand slipping in my pocket. The cold blade of the knife hit my palm.
“Why yes, I did, Shizu-chan.” I responded with a taunting air, ignoring the sign he gripped in his hand. He was a few yards away from me now, holding the sign in his hand, ready to hit me into space. I could see anger flood his face once I called him the name he hated. I always got a crack out of that. I liked getting cracks out of just about anything.
Shizuo began to run, straight at me. Swinging the sign around, he gave a yell. I darted behind him, and saw him falter in confusion. A lovely trick I’d found that worked a few times. In the one moment he lost me, I began to run.
Tearing out of the park, I gave a smile as I dashed down the pavement. Into the city I went. I could hear Shizuo yelling at me, and he wasn’t far behind me. He never really was, in a chase. I pivoted on my heel, shooting down a turn. Shizuo followed me, a look of pure disgust on his face. My mind raced as we dodged people on the sidewalk. Some of them turned their heads to see us, some tripped and fell, others kept moving as if we were nothing. They must be used to us, then.
I ran straight on, through the busy streets. I knew exactly where I was, and I doubted Shizuo even took the time to figure out where we had plunged into. When he got something in his mind, it was almost impossible to pull him from it. Shizu-chan ran on steadily, I could hear him grunt as he pushed past people.
I rounded a corner, which had fewer people than most of the streets. I wondered faintly if Shizuo would stop running and maybe hurl something at me. I was, as usual, right. Shizuo had stopped running, and before I knew it, a large red vending machine had crashed in front of me. I gave a wide grin. How many times did he always miss? It was almost sad! Either his punch missed me, or the object in which he had junked at me. I was perfectly fine with dodging things, by purposely moving or by the just-so wrong aim from Shizu-chan. It did me well, not getting a broken bone or getting bruised.
I ran on, through the concrete dust that rose from the vending machine that was now rested into the pavement. I darted down a street, up the side of a buildings fire escape, and trotted along the top of the building. I heard a yell, a curse, and then;
He had, as things normally went, lost me. He couldn’t see me, I knew that. Shizu-chan was looking wildly around the street, a large sign in his hand. The metal had twisted and shrunk under his tight grasp. His eyes glared in anger, and I could hear him curse.
I looked down over the edge of the building, watching him. I smirked, defiant. Triumph was such a wonderful feeling. Especially when you saw the after word. How I loved the after word.
But it could get very lonely. This after word.
We all have our own minds. We all have our own thoughts, our thoughts having their own feel and look and pattern and way- can we share that with anyone? We speak, we try to organize and place our thoughts and feelings, try to make others understand. Why do humans thrive to be understood? Why be understood? Why try so hard, even to people who don’t care about understanding? Why must we be completely out there, so understood?
They all want to be understood. I go on, day by day. A girl will be frustrated with her friends or family, because she’s ‘completely misunderstood and alone’ and she’s not. People aren’t as hard to understand as they think, but they get it through their heads that they’re a victim of being alone. Shameful, really. Just another outcome of being gray and seeing the world gray. It took a whole lot to change their outlook, their habits.
I passed people, everyday humans living their everyday lives, oblivious to change or hope or a difference in their grasp. Gray. Gray gray gray gray gray! Why must this all be gray? Why must they be gray? Why can’t people see in bright bold colors? Why can’t they all see the other roads, other bumps- why can’t they see that this life is meant to be lived? Did they even know they weren’t living? At least, I’d hardly call it that.
I came up on a street stand. The woman was selling ice cream cones, vanilla and chocolate scoops in crunchy cones. A mother stood by as her 2 kids, a boy and a girl, thanked the woman for their cones. They laughed and hurried on with their mother, licking on their treat. I gave a hint of a smile as the woman turned to me. She had neck-length brown hair that shined, and big brown eyes. She was short, but she made up for it with an air of joy. She wore a white apron over a light yellow dress.
“Hello there!” She greeted me brightly. She obviously didn’t know who I was, or she’d be turning and ignoring me, mind racing over all that she had heard about how awful I was. I pulled my hands out of my pocket and gave a small wave.
I dug money out of my wallet and handed it to her. She gave me a cheerful look.
“Chocolate, please.” I said, and she began to scoop it up. I noticed she gave me an extra scoop, and when I went to get extra change, slightly perplexed, she waved me off.
“No, no. This is good.” She said. And that was all she said, grinning, as she handed me my ice cream. I blinked, then thanked her. I carried on down the street, licking my cold delight. Because that’s what we humans do. We carry on.
~ By Angela R. Watts. This is my first Durarara!! fanfic! I had a lot of fun! 😀 I hope y’all like it. Comment what you think and stuff I guess. 🙂 I do not own Durarara!! or any of its characters, they belong to their rightful owner. This is my fanfic, copyright 2015. Don’t steal (if you want to share, reference, etc, this fanfic, please ask me about it!)
*I’ll insert a pic with the title and my artwork of Izaya for a link back to Pinterest soon!*