Ah, it is already December! Of a year that seems like yesterday was a fresh new new one, and now, is coming to an end. But ah, us humans, we can’t stand an end without a bang and some heart. 🙂
I find myself often looking back on this year. On the good, and the bad, the challenges, the joys… I am finding though, that I live in to many other times, rather than living in the present.
My life is very different than it was last December. I enjoy to reminisce of the warm glow of those memories. But, they are not now. And I will not ever have those exact times again. My problem has been lately, that I expect all the good stuff to feel how the last good stuff felt.
Which is wrong! Everything is different, and it doesn’t have to feel the same way as it may have been already! Just because it does not feel the same way, or the same circumstances- doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy my life and live it truly!
You may be confused… The thing is, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc- have not felt the same. For various reasons; its just been us, and it is not cold! Its been cold and chilly here, but it still very much feels like fall! The trees are bare, the leaves are still around (I wish I had felt well enough to make that leaf pile! We had so many big, gorgeous leaves! Next year, then… 😉 ); its been cold (the water buckets left out keep freezing haha), but it is not REALLY REALLY COLD. 😄 It really kinda is still fall…
And its December! O-0 So, that kinda is weird, trying to get in the Christmas spirit and… It not being cold. 😄
And for a while there, I just kinda smothered in the fact that ‘wow. This sucks. All I wanted was that same glowy, warm, fun, blessed Christmas like last year and the year before…” I guess I just really wanted something right. And familiar. Something that was old, and familiar and didn’t change, that greeted me with a homey hug of ‘yes, you know and love this, this hasn’t changed or left.’
But I didn’t really get that. And instead of changing that, I left it.
Well, that is no way to be, ladies and gents. Sure, it may not be the funnest thing, to work for that Christmas spirit- but I didn’t have to work for it. 🙂 Because, it is the time of Christmas, and Yahweh reached down and sprinkled that spark in all of us (since we all haven’t had the spirit much), and so…
It is December. Honestly, I can’t believe it. The memories from the beginning of this year, this 2015, seem so livid and current, like yesterday. Time really does fly by… When I was younger, a year seemed like forever, and now, a year means so many things wrapped in one, and it both a very long thing and a very short one. A slap in the face and a long walk. But I suppose I am getting those New Year emotions mixed in Christmas’, eh? 😉
As for this December, this Christmas… Its not just a Christmas love going on in the Watts family. 😀
As y’all know, my sister Tory is now 9 months pregnant. 🙂 I am not entirely sure about her due date, but it doesn’t mean much anyway lol! 😉 We have had 2 ‘false alarms’ already, neither completely false… because Tory is very close to having the new baby! 🙂
We all gave the dates, weights, lengths, etc (for the baby), in. To say, I lost my date guess (lol its for the best), but hey, my other guesses are pretty fresh, right? 😀 😉 But seriously, any day now, the new baby is gonna be here! 🙂 We still are not entirely sure on her name… (Long story). But she’ll get one lol! 🙂
I can’t wait for the new baby. Reyna is such a sweetie, she will be an amazing big sister! I can’t wait for the baby to see the world. This all sounds sentimental, hehe, but I want to show her the good. Anymore, this world is quite scary, and dangerous, and evil- but by and with Yahweh’s hands, there’s good in it, too. I want to show the new baby girl that there is beauty, and love, and sights to see, and things to feel, and the little things to enjoy.
Anyway (boy I get slightly sidetracked XD)… We are, as a family, having a lot of things going on… But I am so happy Yahweh gave a push into Christmas! 🙂 How, do you ask? Well, it was a spur of the moment, Tory told us she, Rog, and Rey were going to a Christmas parade.
And we all went. 😀 It was so fun! Our little country, Southern town put on its bright lights and tossed out a ton of candy! The Merry Christmas’ were called out, the waves and laughs were surely about and jolly, and I and my family had a wonderful time!
We watched everyone go by, and there was a band, and some dancers, and cheerleaders, and horse and riders, and sleighs, and a Peanuts float trailer (we all FREAKD with joy and got pics and pictures of us and the float 😀 :D), AND SANTA!!!,and I had hot chocolate! 😀 We all had fun and laughed a lot.
The Christmas love is in this house again! 😀 I am almost done shopping for my family. The bad news is…
We have no Christmas tree! 😦 We went tree searchin’ on our property, which is one of my FAVORITE traditions, but we found naught! Looks like this year is another store bought tree…
Or is it? 😉 Maybe my pine tree is out of the house, but, God is loving and sweet- we found a place that sells trees in a lot form! Ma loved that idea, so within this weekend, we should have our Christmas tree! 😀 YayyY!!!! I am so excited!
There’s one thing I learned this year though… Just because under circumstances, my Christmas this year feels ‘off’ from the others… Doesn’t mean I get to brush it off and cry about it. It also doesn’t mean that this year I had to work on my hands and knees to make it all feel good.
Yahweh gives me challenges, and I am really feeling these piling up lately… (story for another post…), but I am sick and tired of feeling that way. I gave it to God. And I am feeling much better! Christmas was one of those things, and now, after praying and giving it, and loving, and not worrying so much about ‘trying’ to do anything… I want to live again. Yahweh always has that for me, I just am going to turn and face Him again.
So. I am leaving ‘trying’ behind. I do or I do not; and I will not not do. With God, all things are possible, and if it is Yahweh’s Will, I will and He will! I will give my mindset to Yahweh, after the time of the stressful words I tried to assure myself with ‘have to change my mindset’.
Yes, I will fail. Fall down. Stumble (literally as well.). Waver. Cry. Get angry, hurt- but no matter what, I am tired of not living. And I am also tired of truly not giving it to God, and pretending I am…
Anyway, I have things to say in another post… But for now! 😀 I have done my best to face what I can lately. And I am going to keep praying and living! Yahweh is always with me, and I have to stop running. He has showed me a few of His miracles tonight… The joy of the people. The voices calling out. The gifts. The love.
And again, I am reminded, of which I really needed to be, I have not felt this in a while; that I am glad to be here. With the love, the laughs, the joy, the sharing, the words, the small things- the lights and the music and the hugs and the photos… Above all… The Creator that has blessed me with life, and the blessings and the love and the joys of special times.
I know it is only the 3rd. But time really does fly by! A few days ago I was whining to my Ma, saying ‘I hope Christmas doesn’t fly by this year! Its already flying by!’. And I know now, that everything will fly by if I don’t reach out and join it.
We have our yard lights up, and through the struggles of live, the challenges Satan has thrown at us- we have Yahweh. He loves us. So no matter what happens, the Creator will shine His Light.
So. The beginning of a 2015 December. 🙂 I want to thank Jesus and God, for my blessings, and that I keep praying, and though things feel worthless and hurt a lot here, I pray and feel God’s love.
I got some photos at the parade, but I apologize for some of the bad quality!
I wish a blessed December, and, a Merry early Christmas to all of y’all!