I stumbled across this song last week or so, while reading my Bible and listening to Bethel’s Even If (All The More) by Jeremy Riddle. I hadn’t heard it before, though I’ve enjoyed Riddle’s music from Bethel for a while now, and was pretty moved by the message.

The lyrics that really grabbed my heart were…

Even when I feel defeat
I will live from victory
I will rise up and I’ll praise You all the more

It got me thinking about how often I feel tired, and defeated, and worried, and lost. About how often I lay fleeces before the Lord, begging to understand. About how often I yearn for a day of victory–a day where peace is there and I don’t have to fight for it. I’ve got the wrong mindset in the moments where I think of these things. A very wrong idea.

I am not looking for a day of victory because Jesus has already overcome the world. My Scripture verse for the year is John 16:33 and I just keep reminding myself of it daily… Because I do not have to wait for anything. I don’t have to wait for victory because Jesus has already won.

Jesus has won. Jesus will never be defeated.

My identity is in Christ. I’ll be defeated. Again and again. I’ll sin, make mistakes, fall down, fail… I’ll be torn apart by Satan because I love Jesus. The world will absolutely hate us. (Matthew 10:24, John 15:18). But doesn’t that make you bold? Courageous? We humans have the ability to praise Jesus and live in victory! We can do what the Lord calls us to do and have full confidence that He will never forsake us. Whatever pain befalls us, the glory that awaits us in heaven is bigger than any glory we could gain on this earth. Who can stand against us when Jesus has overcome the world?

We can live in victory every day, every moment, no matter what pain we face, because Jesus has won, and His love is far greater than any curses Satan or demons can tie us down with. We are free in the spirit through Jesus. We may grow tired, and bloody, and scared–but we must live in victory at all times. And what better way to show victory and love than to praise God? He loves to hear our voices… so let’s lift them up!

Even if my heart should break
Even if I’m still afraid
I will rise up and I’ll praise You all the more.

 God bless,




The Lord has been teaching me about contentment lately. I’ve always know I needed to be content where I was, but I often got a foggy idea of what that meant. “I want to keep pushing forward, Lord. Being content sounds like I’m letting myself become stale and lazy.” That’s far from the truth! Contentment is so much deeper.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. – Philippians 4:11

We often tend to compare ourselves to others. We often let fear guide us. We often focus on our goals more than the Lord’s Will. We often put our identity and worth in our success, accomplishments, friends, material possessions, and so forth.

We fail to find our identity in Christ. What does this have to do with contentment?

Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on. The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment. – Luke 12:22-23

As Christians, we must find contentment in every season of life. When we struggle and weep and fight–we must be content. Being content means trusting the Lord instead of worrying. As Christians, we have power in Christ, and our prayers in the spiritual realm are vital. However, we often bite off more than we can, or should, try to chew. When we add struggles–like comparing ourselves to others or overthinking every single thing–we aren’t being content in God’s plan. We cannot be God. We cannot find contentment in anything on this planet.

We must find contentment in where we are in OUR walk with Christ. Imagine going on a walk with Jesus in flesh and blood and not being content–looking around, wondering if anyone else is walking better than you, wondering where you were going, wondering how much longer you’d have to walk… Crazy, right? So why shouldn’t we be content with Jesus RIGHT NOW?

Wherever you are in life–pray for contentment. When you are fighting hard to move forward through the darkness and cannot stop–pray for contentment. When you’re struggling against demons and the fight just won’t end–pray for contentment in Christ. No matter how difficult life is, there are beautiful things to find. Open your eyes and try to find them.

We’re in His glorified presence, y’all. Why shouldn’t we be content? He’s our best friend and He is always there, even when we are struggling, screaming, crying, fighting, bleeding, failing, fearing… God is there.

Lord, show us the Father, and it sufficeth us. – John 14:8

God bless,

– Ang


Last week, I wrote about having faith when you’re broken. Before continuing, I suggest you read the other post. I shared one line that this post will be about: “It is OK to be broken or scared–as long as we fight on and turn to the Lord and have faith.”

It’s been difficult for me to accept this truth. I’m struggling, and I know my family struggles, too, if not more so (my mom has Chronic Lyme disease. How can I struggle when she’s struggling soo much worse?) Tiny lies I used to believe as a kid have crept back onto me when I wasn’t expecting. So I had to stop and ask myself, “Why am I not OK? And shouldn’t I be OK?”

Let’s talk about when I said how it’s OK to be not OK. Seems a bit contradictory, doesn’t it? After all, the Bible tells us to have faith and be of good courage. But it’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK to struggle. It’s OK to feel lost. It’s OK to feel afraid.


Because Jesus.

Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.  And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. – Matthew 26:38-39

Like I mentioned in the previous post, Jesus wept. As the above Scripture adds, he was sorrowful before his death, asking God to pass the cup from Him. Therefore, it is not a sin for us to feel such things. It’s OK for us to feel such pain. In fact, it’s healthy. Let’s be honest–if you bottle your pain up, hide it, lie to yourself… It will only deteriorate your heart.

Notice how Jesus prayed as his heart was heavy. We must do the same. In order to surrender to the Lord and find faith, we must tell Him our fears (He knows them before we do) and give them up. We cannot move on in faith if we are clinging to fears. But giving up fear is not always easy. Sometimes, it is a journey. A painful one. But with God, all things are possible. So have faith when you kneel to pray to God about your fears. He doesn’t see you as less-than when you bear your heart like that.

Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. – Jeremiah 29:12

Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms. – James 5:13

So, we must have faith in God as we weep. We must not worry. Again, contradictory much? It isn’t. Here’s more Scriptures about having rest and peace in God, because while it is OK to not be OK, God calls us to have faith. Have faith through the pain.

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, [that] the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? [there is] no searching of his understanding. – Isaiah 40:28-31

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

What about when we’re furious at Him? Or we’re questioning God with all our might, because we have little to no faith in His plan? God is big enough to take that. He will not strike us down or forsake us for our questions. But once we have our breakdown (and we may have many of them, even in close precision. We’re human), we must choose faith. Even trying to muster some faith in God will please Him.

One verse I found comforting is this, “Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” Fear not. Those two words again! Let’s look at the latter part… It’s God pleasure to give us the kingdom. Wait. What? How can it be His pleasure when all human nature does is complain, struggle, fail, and sin? Let’s look at the verse before it, “But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Luke 12:31-32) There it is! God does not require we be perfect, sinless, happy all the time, or ‘OK’. He finds joy in blessing us if we seek His Kingdom!

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. – Matthew 11:29-30

We can choose faith because our God is loving. He will not forsake us in our weakest hours, but give us rest. He will not curse us if we seek Him, but bless us. He will not forget us, but put a crown on our heads in heaven. He promises so many good things in His Word… And nothing can conquer Him. So have faith, even when this world hurts, even when you’re faith seems small (again, this post has some verses for when faith feels ‘small’!). He is the only thing that’s overcome this world.

Thank you for reading, and God bless you.

– Ang

P.S. A form is open for blog followers, so you can tell me what blog posts on The Peculiar Messenger you like best, and what ideas you want me to tackle. Just for funsies! Form is here.





Faith isn’t always easy. Actually, maybe it never is. Faith is believing in God, believing in the unseen, but it’s more than that. Deeper.

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this? – John 11:25-26

Faith is believing in God’s Love. If Jesus died for us, suffered for us, weeps with us, rejoices with us–how can we have no faith in Him?

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. – Matthew 17:20

If we cannot see something, or see the future, we must have faith that His future for us is good. We often get ideas of what faith must look like. We get goals and think, “OK, God, my life must look like this.” But that isn’t what faith is. Faith isn’t believing what we want will happen. It’s believing that God’s Will is best and it will come to pas, no matter what things Satan–and ourselves!–try to do to stop it. And guess what? The mustard seed parable is pretty important because we cannot believe the lie that our faith, no matter how ‘little’ it may seem, is worthless.

For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. – Romans 10:11

God says have faith in him. Well, that doesn’t always make us look like bold lions. We can be beaten, bruised, weeping, bloodied, tired (For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake. – Philippians 1:29)–you name it, we can look as pathetic as possible. Because the war is hard. Fighting and having faith? It doesn’t mean we will stand tall. It means we have faith that Jesus is our Savior. While we are on our last breath and can’t stand up to keep going, Jesus is our Refuge. When we need help to just keep pushing through mundane days, Jesus is guiding us. So be bold in faith. Be bold in what God promises us. Do not be ashamed of our human weakness–glorify God for being merciful.

Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. – James 2:17

Faith, even if it doesn’t look like much, when it comes from your heart, and you ask the Lord to give you it… It is enough. It is not ever something out of our reach, by the mercy and grace of God!

Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God? – John 11:40

With faith, we find peace. We must choose when to have faith in the Lord. We may be tempted to have faith in people, ourselves, or other foolish things. Pray. Pray for faith in the Lord and act accordingly. Make a conscious effort to turn your big and little worries or fears to the Lord. Give them to Him! Your prayer might be as simple as, “Lord, I’m really scared/worried about this thing, but I have faith You have a plan. I believe You love me. I believe You are in control. Please, give me peace and guide me.”

It is OK to be broken or scared–as long as we fight on and turn to the Lord and have faith. God is the only One who can give our broken bodies rest, our shattered hearts healing, and our tired mind peace. So have faith.

God bless,





GOODBYE 2018, HELLO 2019

2018 comes to an end. 2019 is welcoming us, and life moves on, season after season. Change is inevitable. When a new year draws close, people have the illusion they have control over the year to come. We have no control over what life will toss at us. We have no control over how our goals or plans will go.

However, God does. God knows what we will face, and not only does He know all, He will help us through everything. He’ll be there in 2019, whether to pick us up and help us keep toddling on like clumsy toddlers, or to spin us around in triumphant dances. No matter what the seasons hold, we can trust the LORD to guide us. And love us. 

We have control only over ourselves. We have control over how we react and adapt to change. We have the choice to turn to God every time we face a decision. We have the choice to rejoice in the storm.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6

I’m not a huge fan of recapping-the-year posts, to be honest. Sure, it is fun seeing how much things change and how much I’ve grown as I ponder 2018. 2018, however, held plenty of sorrows, and I feel like a tired runner who doesn’t want to look back for anything. I just want to focus where I am right now. And right now, my life is jumbled full of changes. Still, I’m writing this post speaking from the heart, and share some things that happened during 2018.


We bid goodbyes to two of our sweet, friendly horses, Ulu and Ziibi, and our old, loyal dog, Rosie.

Ulu’s passing was a very difficult disaster–she broke through the frozen pond, and we spent the next nonstop 24 hours trying to save her. Ulu passed away, despite our prayers and strenuous efforts. She was a fantastic mama horse and taught my whole family how to love, even when it hurts.

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Ziibi was a sweet Ojibwe pony who fought to survive over the span of time he was with us. We said goodbye to him, as well, but find peace in the fact he can run, happy and free, up in heaven.

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Rosie was the dog who taught me an old dog can learn new tricks! She was sweet and loyal. We’re grateful she went to heaven peacefully in her sleep.

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We sold our house.

This is a recent blessing. We sold the home we built from the ground up–seriously. Name something (framework, roofing, flooring, kitchen, plumbing, electric work) and my Dad did it all himself (with help from our Uncle for super hard electric stuff). It’s sad leaving this home, but God is calling us to move, and we look to God for guidance as we pack up and prepare to move into campers. We also must find land to move to. So, yes, when I say I’m facing changes… moving is a big part. 😉

Welcomed Gabby into the world.

Gabby is my youngest niece and she was born in February. She’s grown into quite the sweet (but secretly rotten!) baby!

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I earned my blue and purple belts in Wado Ryu karate.

I didn’t get to compete in the USEWF championships in March, because I got really sick, but Kody did and he got second! Image may contain: 1 person, smiling

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Karate grill out.

So. Fun. I’m not one for sports, but watching a bunch of guys play football with only some skills and the risk of little kids running into the game? Entertaining.

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^ that’s me (red shirt, duh) and Kody is in the bag (brown shirt)

Got my driver’s permit.

This was a 2018 year goal, but I didn’t get my license, though I’m working on it now, so it’ll happen.

Traveled out of state.

We visited my grandparents in North Carolina for Thanksgiving. During this trip, I also got to meet the super sweet Faith Potts!

Image may contain: 9 people, including Shawn Watts, Sandra Cutlip Lawson, Kim Watts and Tory Gypsy Watts, people smiling, people sitting and indoor

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Celebrated the little things during Mom’s doctor visit trips in Maryville/Knoxville.

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I published Seek.

This was a huge goal for 2018. And guess what? I also published The Thief, the Damsel, And the Dragon, Homeward, and Emmanuel. I had a goal of publishing a novella and succeeded. The short stories, Homeward and Emmanuel, weren’t planned. But Seek is out for all the world to see and I’m so blessed!

I am so grateful for the things I learned as a writer in 2018. I won both Camp NaNos, wrote a ton, and published! I also got plenty of new ideas (big shocker there). A big thanks to my online writing community as well as my family.

I’m manager of Reveries Co.

Reveries Co. is a company dedicated to helping authors succeed without spending an arm and a leg. The company is launching January 1st-5th, and it will be very fun. So be sure to follow Reveries Co. on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram).

We went to the fair!

I haven’t been to the fair in FOREVER. And it was a blast! I love fair rides, even if Kody gets green super easy (teacups, anyone?), but it’s still great fun.

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Gardened and produced meals with my bro.

The garden was terrifying when the giant caterpillars got to the tomatoes, but we took care of it.

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Reached 250+ WordPress followers (and other social media triumphs).

I created a Twitter and a Instagram in 2018. I also created a Facebook author page. I’m no social media wizard, but 2018 was a great start of learning the ropes.

Read my whole Bible.

Not necessarily cover-to-cover, but I’ve officially read the Bible through and through!

Spread Lyme awareness.

May is Lyme disease awareness month, but I worked to spread awareness through the year, too. This was an important 2018 goal for me.



I had more goals for 2018, some I failed, some I did, but that’s enough recapping. I’ll now list some (not all, because, hey, some goals ya gotta keep in your journal, friends) goals for 2019!

  • Move into camper, sell house #2, etc. Hah. So, survive life, basically. On that note, I want to not just survive the chaos of moving, I want to be able to rejoice through it all. It has been so hard, but I want to focus on God through the frenzy. I want to listen to music and sing while working in my little camper I’ll share with my brother.
  • Earn green belt in Wado Ryu. And make it to championships… I can’t get sick this time, ha!
  • Read Bible cover to cover.
  • Travel out of state.
  • Get driver’s license.
  • Put Taloowa in the curly field, work with Sugar Baby, train new foal (who will be born in 2019).
  • Write AWAKE, the first book of The Infidel Books. Publish it.
  • Give JUMP to alphas, rewrite it, and publish it.

And my biggest goal, as always, is to grow closer to the Lord, grow in wisdom and kindness, and above all other goals, follow God’s will for me.

I learned a lot in 2018. While 2018 was full of trials, pain, and feeling lost, God was always there. I learned so much about the Lord this past year, and I’m grateful for the pain and storms, because I learned how close to Jesus you can get during difficult times. For instance, when my family and I were under (another) tornado watch and were hiding in our closet, we prayed and laughed together. We face extreme weather often, and we always have a strange peace when in that kind of danger… We pray aloud and even sing songs of praise as the storm outside brews. God is there during the dark times and we can find peace in Him despite what’s happening. Again, we only have control over ourselves, not the storm.

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33


Well, y’all, thank the Lord, I did it! I recapped 2018 and listed some 2019 goals. 😉 I shall see you all in 2019 very soon. *jumps in time machine*

God bless,